Patience

I don't know how the conversation started, but I wanted to share some thoughts that came out of a chat with Ben's Tante Mollusk last week.  The best part of the conversation was the premise that I can't complain about much in my life right now.  I am a mom, I have a wonderful husband, a comfortable home, I get to spend my days with my Nugget, I get to try one or two new recipes a week, and as is told in pictures and my waistline, I don't miss a meal.  I haven't wanted for much more than this for most of my adult life and I focus on my blessings and my gratitude for them everyday.  

But we all want more, right?; a bigger house, a different car or job, a Cartier watch (in my case) might make life complete.  I think it's good to want things.  Wanting creates drive, ambition, and motivation to work hard to change your life or get what you want.  As much as Ryan and I wanted to become parents, and I can tell you it's a feeling of want you can only know if you've been there, there was little we could do to make it happen.  We could make more money to afford more infertility treatments, etc., and though we could and did adopt, there was nothing we could do to make Ben's birth mom choose us.  We were lucky and blessed and there are tens of thousands of people around the world who are never chosen or who can't afford to adopt.  I promise I'm getting to a point :).  All that wanting and waiting and wishing gave me us another invaluable gift beyond the obvious.  PATIENCE.  No, unfortunately I don't know that the experience gave me more patience as a mom or a wife, but more patience with life.  It's very cliche in the adoption world to jabber on about how "when it finally happens you'll know all along that it was meant to be."  Very sadly I know there are times when this isn't the case.  For Ryan and Ben and me this was the case.  I can't imagine calling any other kiddo mine.  And through it all I gained an amazing perspective of patience that the universe will work itself out as it's meant to be.  No, I'm not saying you can't change its direction or to rest on your laurels.  I know my busting through all the adoption paperwork and home study meant Ben's birth mom saw us at the right time, and I also feel it was all a part of the universe's plan for us.  The value of the experience taught me that all you can do is everything in each moment that you think will move you to the next step or fulfilling of the next want, and then you have to let go! Let-go and live and maybe pray and let it all work itself out.  Have the conviction to know that one day, and perhaps after lots of hard work, struggle and tears, you will look back and know this was how it was all supposed to work out.

Sorry for these two buddy! Your mama couldn't resist....