challenges

This school year has started with some challenges for Ben.  Within a couple weeks, Ryan and I were asked to meet with Ben's special ed team as he hadn't progressed or wasn't attending to task as they'd expected based on how last year ended.  The first meeting was very beneficial and within minutes we changed some things that were happening that yielded immediate results.  For instance, "make the kid work for his favorite activity by offering it last."  That that had been lost on his team, who are all wonderful and amazing, was shocking to us.  There was also some discussion about his engagement with peers and I sprang into action scheduling more play-dates without parents so I can facilitate conversation, etc.  My observation since has been that Ben actually starts conversations more than some of his classmates, but if they don't respond, he doesn't push.  I've also continued to see Ben initiate play with strangers on more than one occasion since that meeting so I am less concerned about that issue.
Ben is an absolute mystery to the special ed team and certainly doesn't fit a diagnosis for one specific thing.  He has some struggles similar to Sensory Processing Disorder and certainly has some behaviors displayed by kids on the autism spectrum.  That said, none of us need or want to push a label that just isn't there and no label or diagnosis would change any of Ben's treatment or therapies.  
I know from my research that many of Ben's less-than-desirable (to some) behaviors become much easier for him to control around age 7.  
A couple weeks removed from that initial meeting, there has been another, and we've put into place some great tools that are helping Ben be more successful.  We've also realized a para on his team who is very special to Ben, "drinks his kool-aid," and falls prey to his sparkling eyes and sweet hugs, and lets him get away with a lot.  There is also a plan in place to address that issue so we're all agreed that our planned path forward is and will continue to yield success for Ben.
All of the above said, Ben continues to do well academically with rote tasks like one-for-one counting, sight words, etc.  Just yesterday he pointed out some graffiti in a playground tunnel and kept repeating, "my, My." Sure enough, amidst the scrolling marker, the only letters were m and y.  I work hard with him at home to hone these skills and make sure he continues to enjoy these tasks as his motor skills and sensory issues may make learning challenging as he is asked to sit for longer and longer periods.
 

***

These meetings and these challenges took a pretty major toll on me.  Ben is "what I do," and when what you do isn't working or is struggling it can be overwhelming.  I've always been an over-achiever and been successful at my jobs, so when struggles are abundant, despite my best efforts, it's hard.  Additionally, when life has handed me challenges, there's often been a clear solution with a targeted end to work towards.  These challenges with my sweet prince have no simple solution or clear path.  More than anything, we all want our children to have a decently easy way through the world, and the pain we feel as parents when that's not the case can be paralyzing, and was just that for me for many weeks.  Like any other challenge, I laid out tools and solutions and many of them have already helped.  I also do have the perspective that this little life is a journey with hills and valleys and all the good and dirty in-between.  And through it all, I'm overwhelmingly happy to be Ben's mom and each day, and each success and challenge solidify the notion that we were meant to be-we three!  Since we first learned two years ago that Ben had some delays, my mantra was always, "he's happy and healthy and that is SO much."  Lately that mantra has evolved and each night when I turn out the light I think about H^3.  (H cubed) is "happy, healthy, heimers."  Each day we are H^3 is a big success in my book.

tank you

Well, Ben had his most restless night yet last night with this "cold," so I called the Dr. this morning.  I was thankful I took him in as he has bronchitis, eye infections in both eyes, and possibly strep.  Because the antibiotics will kill it all, they didn't do a strep culture, but based on a quick glance thought it likely.
Ben started out with a mild cold last Thursday and I kept him home.  He was seeming much better after the weekend so I sent him to school Monday.  Now the goopy, sad, red-eyed face of his one classmate is clicking in my head and whether it was that dear boy or another, I'm sure Ben's slightly suffering immune system couldn't take the added yuck.  As these kids only go to school a little more than 2 hours, in my opinion, there is NO reason to send them sick.  I get that those are the only free hours for many of us to do many things.  Trust me, after having my sick child home for a week, I really get it, but for the sake of us all-keep your sick kids HOME! Please!  Ben can go back Monday~ Prasie the Lawd!~ after the drugs I despise kick in and do what his poor little immune system just can't right now.  
And, if I am ever that awful parent sending my sick kid to school, please have me read this post!!

The real reason for this post is a much happier one.  As we were leaving the Dr. today, Ben sought out both the Dr. that had seen him and the medical assistant among the office staff and thanked them.  through his stuffed nose it was more of a, "tank you," but brought smiles and comments from everyone in ear shot.  While this wasn't his first unsolicited (or pushed by mom,) "thank you," it was certainly the most sincere, after-the-fact, intentional gratitude I've seen him voluntarily display.  As the assistant thanked him back and said she hoped he feels better, he raised his hand without turning around (as if he had somewhere very important to be,) and said, "ok, ok. I will."
I tell ya what people, it's little moments like that that mean the most and give so much hope and meaning to SAHM's like me who give so much of who we are to these little people we love.  If Ben only knew how much that little "tank you," will fill my mama tank and motivate me to keep being the best mom-of-Ben I can.

Jelly is 5!!!!!

Ben started getting a cold last Thursday (with symptoms I was told he might experience post flu-mist and we'll take the shot next year, please,) so I kept him home from school.  We were in Breck Friday and he seemed much improved and went to school Monday.  Yesterday when he woke the "green gunk" had set in and last night he had a couple really down hours.  This is by far the worst cold he's had and with Enterovirus 68 running rampant we are being extra vigilant.  My fingers are crossed that this is his last day at home and that his red glassy eyes brighten before tomorrow's picture day.  
Boy do I digress!!

Yesterday we were snuggling in my bed and Ben told me a delightful story that warmed my party-planning mama's heart.

"Mama, it's Jelly's birthday."
"It is?? I had no idea.  How old is he?"
"Jelly is turning 5!"
"5 years old! should we have a party?"
"Yes, Jelly is having a balloon party."
"What will we serve to eat?"
"Cupcakes."
"What else should we eat?"
"Cake. cake and cupcakes. NO real food."
"Well what color of balloons should we get?"
"Yellow! Yellow and pink and red and maybe green and one black-for me."

This shocked me because his typical response to any color request is black and blue.

"Would Jelly like a black one too?"
"No. Jelly likes yellow."
"Ok. It sounds like a great party buddy.  Happy Birthday Jelly!"

Maybe I'll get away with a "balloon party," next year. :)

bonus time

One of the bonuses of MeeMee's time share in Breck is "bonus time."  When the Grand Lodge is not fully booked, owners can book nights at drastically reduced rates.  MeeMee and I had been discussing this lately and stayed on top of booking a night, as they go quickly.  After we booked last Thursday, we were able to add Friday night, too.  In the end, Ryan was able to take Friday off and join us.  MeeMee, Ben and I headed up around 3pm on Thursday and I had a delicious bloody mary in hand by 5pm.  The Grand Lodge is the perfect home away from home and I relaxed within moments of arriving.  I actually tear up writing this because I really really needed a break from reality (more on that in a future post,) and I can't explain how perfect and relaxing this quick getaway was.  Being used to staying there a week made it tough to leave so quickly but it was delightful all the same.  

 

Ben was over-the-moon excited to pack his snowboots and insisted on wearing them around the house that morning.  Sadly he "caught an edge," heading down the stairs and when I discovered him there was so much blood I was unsure whether he'd broken his nose, split open his head, or lost a tooth.  In the end it was a bad nosebleed but many shirts and much carpet cleaning later we finally made it to MeeMee's.

The leaves were still ripe for the peeping.

We ventured to town for Empire Burger, a playground visit and jacket shopping.

 

 

one morning Luke barked on the deck upon spotting a GIANT black bear in the parking lot below us.  He walked right behind those blurry cars.

This fox was also a regular visitor.

 

We had the game room all to ourselves.  

 

it was too cold for the waterslide (for the grown-ups) but we spent LOTS of time in the 4 hot-tubs

snow on the mtn and me with my hood on-brrrrr

Where's Wal...er......Ben?

 On Saturday before leaving we had a delightful hike.....

We drove home over Loveland Pass because it's beautiful but often treacherous in winter.  It goes over the continental divide and past Keystone and Arapahoe Basin ski areas.

 

One of these is from my phone and one from a DSLR-crazy!

 

 

Sapphire Point above Lake Dillon

Our last stop before home was Beau Jo's pizza.  It's a Colorado institution and this was Ben's first time.

Ryan had just FINALLY convinced Ben to try the honey on his crust.  They were both delighted.