34 (Warning: this post gets VERY honest)

This seat, at the head of our outdoor table, looking out over family and friends, while we gather to eat and drink and laugh together, is my favorite place on earth. 

While I've never been big on New Year's Resolutions, a January birthday has always allowed a nice time for reflection on the past and upcoming years.  Because we were finally "home," and parents, and starting to settle, last year allowed for more personal goals and reflection and more work on the "me" that exists day-to-day.   I really wanted to work on letting go of trivial things like a continually clean house and be more present in more moments with Ben.  While life for me is always less stressful with an orderly and semi-clean house, I did a REALLY good job of both letting go of that control and of controlling my stress when I did. 
One very last minute dinner gathering in the late summer was a good reminder that I can almost always have my house clean enough for company with a nice table-setting in 30 minutes or less.  I am happy with the job I've done in the last year of setting those and other tasks aside and focusing more on really being present for Ben and for Ryan too.

The biggest surprise during the year of Tres-Tres was in my marriage.  Ryan spent most of the year completely buried in a big work project that took many months longer than expected to complete. Not only were there no family vacations, there were very few family dinners and even several months where a single day off for Ryan was a treat.  80+ hour work weeks became the norm and I became very sad. (I warned you all about the honesty.) There were many years of my life when I planned on being a single parent as I wanted to be a mom more than a wife.  Just when I was in the midst of making plans for my life to go that way, in walked Ryan.  I cannot imagine a life without him and having him as a partner in this adventure has been an unexpected and amazing blessing.  That said, when I chose this path, I chose to have and to be a partner.  While my days with Ben are a treat and one I don't take for granted, his dinner conversation does leave something to be desired. :)  More than family dinners, we missed Ryan being a part of our family as we settled into planning all of life's activities without him.  Soon every "fun" plan we made came with the angst of excluding Ryan.  
Additionally, taking on all of Ryan's typical household duties became stressful and started to eat into that quality Ben time I had worked so hard to create.  I also gave up on beginning a photography business as any free time I had was needed and deserved by Ben. :(
Thankfully, we are great communicators and I let Ryan know time and again that this lifestyle and schedule was not ok and could not be maintained.  That project is now complete and we're both working hard to help Ryan create a work/life balance that works.  He has admitted his tendency towards workaholism and constant awareness and a new boss have helped pull things into check.  As anyone who's in one knows, marriages are work, and this will likely always be the biggest struggle in ours.  We are plowing through it though-TOGETHER.  We've survived job losses, big moves and the pain of infertility.  Those struggles have made us stronger and I look forward to the day when I can say this struggle did too. 

So, Tres-Tres was unexpectedly successful and challenging as perhaps any good year should be. As the year came to a close, I reflected a lot on the successes and on continuing and broadening them.  There is nothing more rewarding as a mother than closing my eyes at night and knowing I've created a fun, enriching and love-filled day for Ben.  I also know taking time for myself whether for blogging, crafting, or exercising, makes me a better wife and mother.  I know I am happier and have more energy all day when I make time to exercise so that tops my list of goals for 34........

This year I want to focus on:
-taking better advantage of Ben's time at school to exercise
-being a more creative teacher for Ben and remembering those special activities take time and make messes
-enjoying the beauty and nature of the state we call home
-using our kind and generous family to babysit so I can "date" my husband more often

I wouldn't mind if this year included a couple more Red Rocks concerts and a few more beers on the deck than last year (if that's possible.)  At the end and beginning of it all, I am overwhelmingly blessed with family, friends, and a beautiful life. Cheers to 34!! Tres Quatro just doesn't have the same ring to it. :)