Catch a tiger by it's tail...............

These pictures show how I find Ben in the morning and many days after his nap.  Poor poor Jelly. When I think about how abused he is, I remind myself of the Velveteen Rabbit and tell myself he must feel really loved and be the envy of all of Ben's other stuffies.

Finding Ben this way has come earlier in the morning this week.  Did I mention EARLY?? Those who know me best know that EARLY for this mornin' lovin' mama is E.A.R.L.Y.!!  Nugget was up at 415 yesterday and 445 today.  Fortunately today I was smart enough to go to bed early last night in preparation.  If this is Ben's way of telling me he's ready to transition to one nap, getting up extra early to make the time before nap extra long is probably not the best way to approach it.  We have a walking date this morning and a dinner date tonight so I'm not willing to try anything crazy today but may try keeping him up tomorrow and see if that helps at all.  As usual, Ben has the tiger by his tail and his mama on her toes.

Patience

I don't know how the conversation started, but I wanted to share some thoughts that came out of a chat with Ben's Tante Mollusk last week.  The best part of the conversation was the premise that I can't complain about much in my life right now.  I am a mom, I have a wonderful husband, a comfortable home, I get to spend my days with my Nugget, I get to try one or two new recipes a week, and as is told in pictures and my waistline, I don't miss a meal.  I haven't wanted for much more than this for most of my adult life and I focus on my blessings and my gratitude for them everyday.  

But we all want more, right?; a bigger house, a different car or job, a Cartier watch (in my case) might make life complete.  I think it's good to want things.  Wanting creates drive, ambition, and motivation to work hard to change your life or get what you want.  As much as Ryan and I wanted to become parents, and I can tell you it's a feeling of want you can only know if you've been there, there was little we could do to make it happen.  We could make more money to afford more infertility treatments, etc., and though we could and did adopt, there was nothing we could do to make Ben's birth mom choose us.  We were lucky and blessed and there are tens of thousands of people around the world who are never chosen or who can't afford to adopt.  I promise I'm getting to a point :).  All that wanting and waiting and wishing gave me us another invaluable gift beyond the obvious.  PATIENCE.  No, unfortunately I don't know that the experience gave me more patience as a mom or a wife, but more patience with life.  It's very cliche in the adoption world to jabber on about how "when it finally happens you'll know all along that it was meant to be."  Very sadly I know there are times when this isn't the case.  For Ryan and Ben and me this was the case.  I can't imagine calling any other kiddo mine.  And through it all I gained an amazing perspective of patience that the universe will work itself out as it's meant to be.  No, I'm not saying you can't change its direction or to rest on your laurels.  I know my busting through all the adoption paperwork and home study meant Ben's birth mom saw us at the right time, and I also feel it was all a part of the universe's plan for us.  The value of the experience taught me that all you can do is everything in each moment that you think will move you to the next step or fulfilling of the next want, and then you have to let go! Let-go and live and maybe pray and let it all work itself out.  Have the conviction to know that one day, and perhaps after lots of hard work, struggle and tears, you will look back and know this was how it was all supposed to work out.

Sorry for these two buddy! Your mama couldn't resist....

"And Rubbin' Son, is Racin'"

Yes, I was quoting Days of Thunder to Ben this morning not thinking there would actually be some rubbing involved in our Race for the Cure adventure.  This was my first Race for the Cure in Wichita and Ben's first organized run.  I was glad to be able to take him but did make a mistake in not signing up for the competitive timed run.  In Denver the runners and walkers are actually separated at the start by a large median so walkers are very much ot of the way.  Here they were not only mixed in but very few heeded the "walkers to the back" warning.  We had a couple "rubs" and one small altercation but came out overall unscathed and with a good time considering how much I've been running.  Ben loved it and was very vocal though still smiling at the start letting everyone know he was ready to get the show on the road.  I was very happy to have friend Angela go with us and cheer us on at the end as she was smart and signed up for the earlier timed run.  It was her first 5K and she did great and seemed to enjoy herself.  

Maybe not quite awake yet

Looks like a pretty comfy way to workout :)

After the race and a short nap we headed to Learjet family day at Ryan's work.  They had a BBQ lunch and planes, cars, kiddie rides, flu shots and lots of ooohs and ahhhs from co-workers who hadn't seen Ben in a while.  I really enjoyed seeming some people I used to work with, especially the GM I assisted for awhile.  It's nice to hear how much you are missed but feel really glad you won't be heading into work Monday morning.   Cameras weren't allowed but Ben enjoyed crawling in and out of a plane, a big firetruck, and being entertained by friend Peter.   I am hopeful he will FINALLY fall asleep any moment so I can go take part in a similar endeavor.  Overall a beautiful and fun fall family day :).

Magical Moments

This morning as Ben was playing, I was drinking my coffee and we were both beaming at Matt, (Lauer- Ben just beams when he comes on but I think it's because he's often the only TV Ben watches all day,) Ben gave me the most unexpected and magical moment.

I crawled down on the floor onto my belly and laid my head on Ben's boppy to be closer to him while he played.  Ben sat down from his toy, crawled over to me with a huge grin and laid down on the other side of the boppy!! At that point we were both facing the TV and I'm glad Ben couldn't see the tears streaming down my face.  I've never felt so loved as a mama in a moment where we weren't even touching and it was such a grown-up move from my sweet little man.  He laid there for less than a minute before returning to playing, but for me the magic of that moment will last forever.

Mama loves you Monkeypants