thirty-five

 
So another year in the life of Jessica Anna Erickson (Heimer) has come and gone.  Thirty-five doesn't feel so bad, so far.

last year I wanted to focus on:
-taking better advantage of Ben's time at school to exercise
-being a more creative teacher for Ben and remembering those special activities take time and make messes
-enjoying the beauty and nature of the state we call home
-using our kind and generous family to babysit so I can "date" my husband more often

I have exercised more this year though the last month of the Holidays was no testament to that.  I've started adding more to my runs in terms of stopping for push-ups, bench sits, etc.  Thanks to a friend and Tante and a fall challenge we did, my focus has shifted somewhat and I see opportunities for strength training all over the place and especially at the playground with Ben.  This goal will never be "met," and only grows more important with time so you'll see it again in this year's list.

I have done more with Ben in terms of creative play and crafts but I have to remember that for the most part, crafts are not his thing.  I have worked to keep our daily learning times fun and new and a good balance of things he prefers and things he doesn't.

Mostly thanks to MeeMee's camper purchase, I absolutely nailed #3.  We got out a lot more often, from picnics at Red Rocks and other foothills parks, to camping.  Ben is happiest in nature and "having adventures," and his imagination absolutely takes off when we're out exploring.  His fearlessness can be scary but he is also the most obedient and attentive to boundaries when we're outside camping or hiking.  Now that Ben can hang and actually hike for more than an hour, I look very forward to taking him on some of my favorite Boulder hikes this Summer and I hope we camp 4X more than last year, at least!

It took until almost the end of the year to really attack #4, but with 3 dates in the span of a month, I'd say I can check that one off the list.  It wasn't that we didn't use our family for Ben before, but it was usually for activities involving friends.  I love that we'd often prefer to be with our friends but time alone is important too.  It's always easy to ask for the help with a big event or other people are involved but we need to be better about asking for help that facilitates little evenings or afternoons out.  BTW, did you know movies are reserved now? I mean it's possible this has been going on for years, but we missed out on American Sniper because now you buy reserved seats in advance, and no way no how are there any left 40 minutes before showtime.  Do yourself a favor and get informed if you're not cause lawd knows those date nights are not easy to come by.;)

So, I think I made a great list last year because I certainly didn't come back and look at it more than once.  Those things must have really been priorities somewhere in my mind.  I can say too that I'm a better person for having focused on all of them and that's the goal, right?

And now this post screeches to a halt for a bit because I have to put keyboard to screen in terms of what's up next.........

In my 35th year, I vow to try to.....

-Date my mom and sister more! As you'll see in a couple of posts, we started the year quite glamorously and I hope we can make girls dates more of a priority.  I'm talking at least quarterly here, ladies!

-Do more impromptu entertaining! Last Spring I hosted several big and special events and this year my calendar is clear-whew!  We also don't already have a non-stop Summer of travel planned (for now,) so I'd like to focus more on small gatherings when the warm weather returns. I am absolutely happiest when I'm entertaining.  Whether it's due to the friends, the clean house or the vodka, we may never know.  In doing so, I want to reach out to some new friends and new people we've met recently who might become good friends.  You know that old Girl Scouts song, "make new friends, but keep the old..."  We also have some amazing neighbors I'd like to get to know better this year.

-keep on letting go.  I think parts of letting go just come easier with age, but none of it comes easy to me.  Though the two week old drip of something on one of my kitchen cabinets that I keep failing to get to might tell otherwise, I will likely always struggle when things aren't clean and tidy.  The other day it occurred to me that either my whole house is 1/2 clean or 1/2 my house is very clean.  I can look at both those options with a cup half full mentality so I'm going to embrace the "1/2" this year.

-Continue to take care of me.  When I look back on the best weeks, they are always the ones where exercise came first.  So, whether it's allowing an extra half-hour of screen time so I can have "five minutes of peace," or really embracing the "1/2" mentality above, I will continue to make exercise a priority and make "happy mom, happy family," a reality.

-Advocate for Ben.  This school year has been rife with challenges and stresses in terms of Ben and his needs.  I'd give anything for a crystal ball and a few clear answers, but at the end of each day we have to make decisions with the info we have at the time.  We've been practicing that since the early days of our infertility diagnosis and you'd think we'd be old pros by now.  I get so jealous of the way Ryan and most men can compartmentalize stresses as I'd give anything to really let go of the challenges Ben faces, especially at school.  I talked with another special needs parent the other day and said, "do you have a constant pit in your stomach too?"  She grabbed my arm and exclaimed, "yes!!! I do! When will it go away?"  We then discussed how it does go away for hours and moments but never for days.  The silver lining for me is that it takes away the pit of infertility and the longing for another child for big chunks of each day because I won't carry around both at the same time. :)  So, I think part of successfully advocating for Ben is also really being present with him and letting go of all that crap, and that I can say I'm really good at.  I do delight in our time together and the challenges mean I really (I mean really) soak up the good stuff, and the fun, and moments and achievements to be celebrated.

OK! I think I'll stop.  I think that list can keep me busy for a year.  Ben and I have really been enjoying our afternoons together at the zoo, and Children's Museum and on the non-stop tour of nearby playgrounds.  It feels nice to have a more calm and less scheduled Spring ahead of me and though I ache for the warm days by the pool, I'm really excited for the little things and slowly-growing-longer days just ahead of us.  35 feels good.  It feels solidly planted right where it belongs with wisdom from the past and excitement that we might just now be getting to the good stuff. MWAH!!!

Skip

Ben has started on a great new adventure with his old speech therapist Cathy in the form of a sweet old horse named Skip.  Cathy has been teaching horse-back riding for a very long time and also teaches both hippotherapy (for speech and attention), and horse therapy (for autism and other emotional needs.) You can read to the bottom of this link and also click through at the bottom for more info if you're really interested.  Ben gets hippotherapy and we've been to 3 sessions now.  The winter weather makes things tricky but so far we've attended all as scheduled.  It is a 110 mile round-trip but Cathy is amazing and she and Ben have an amazing relationship.  I still use skills I learned from her in our at-home learning time, etc., everyday.
Ben gets Skip ready by brushing him and using the hoof pick and getting his bare-back pad.  He moves around while riding and also does learning tasks like writing, puzzles, etc., and learns to give Skip commands at certain markers and locations.
Ben absolutely loves it and the science behind it all is quite fascinating.  He stays quite focused for the hour we are there and it's a great work-out for his body and brain.
We try to go on Saturdays so Ryan has been able to get really involved and be Ben's side-walker.  I enjoy watching and soaking in the country, animals and adjacent mountains.  I will keep you all updated on the progress and take a video one session soon, as well.

Annette (with her back to the picture) who owns the farm and Skip, and her daughter help each session by leading Skip per Cathy's commands.

Skip didn't know how to get the treat off the floor so now Ben feeds him with his bucket. :)

ten years

Ryan and I celebrated the 10th anniversary of our first date on January 7th!! Some days it seems like ten years can't possibly have passed, and other days I wonder, "only ten years?"

With Tante and MeeMee's help to babysit, we recreated our first date in Boulder.  We started with sushi at Hapa and moved on to a drink at Connor O'Neil's.  Despite out best efforts to take our time, we were back home with dessert in hand by 9:30. ;)  We had contemplated staying in Boulder, but as it long has, Boulder thinks highly of itself, and there were no hotels in walking distance of our dinner for less than $300.  My own bed is just too comfortable to pay that much to stay 30 minutes away. ;)
It was lots of fun to reminisce and Ryan even drove us in past my old condo where he had picked me up.  

I can honestly say very few things about our lives together have gone as I'd thought or planned, but I am more in love with him today than I ever thought I would be ten years later.

welcome 2015!! (and sometimes the 3rd time is not a charm)

After New Year's Eve last year and attempting to all sleep on someone's basement floor was a horrid disaster, I vowed to only spend New Year's Eve at home for all of eternity.  Long-time readers will remember my definition of the perfect way to ring in the new year that happened here.
Well, this year Amy teased me with the promise of pj's and Indian food and when the Petersen's planned a visit from Virginia, we couldn't refuse.  We headed up to Winter Park to join the aforementioned and the Voigts who own the Fraser house with the Lineberrys.  We left as soon as our favorite Indian restaurant opened and could fill our order for dinner for 8.  The hour plus drive with all those delicious smells was pure torture.  
As some people were still out skiing when we arrived, we headed to the hill adjacent to the house for some high-speed sledding.  One hard bump that left my booty bruised for weeks was enough for me but Ryan and Ben got some softer trail-blazing runs in.
As everyone trickled in from their day on the slopes, we enjoyed snacks and drinks and the kids started dinner with pizza.  For many of the adults, it was their virgin Indian food voyage though I was admittedly too busy inhaling mine to listen very closely to what everyone thought.

The kids had their own celebration including the Madagascar countdown on Netflix and they all started their sleep journey's about 8:30pm. 

 After some shifting of kids, Ben did get a couple hours of sleep before it all started to fall apart about 11pm.  Thankfully he would stay in his bed for 1/2 hour stints at that point but our raucous rousing and no door on the kiddo loft meant it was all just too loud for him to settle into sleep.  We adults managed lots of drinks, a few rounds of Cards Against Humanity, and a Prosecco toast to the New Year before I drug a very-awake Ben downstairs just before 1 am to sleep on the floor next to our air mattress.  

double-trouble gingers

Thankfully Ryan, who was between us, snored through most of Ben's babbling as he had to be up early to ski the next morning.  For silly Ben, sleep did not come until 3:30 A!M! Yep, there I was, already in pain from being up so late and having a few drinks on top of a stomach filled with spicy Indian food, on an air mattress next to a snoring log, almost nodding off over and over until Ben would chime in with a statement or chant or unrecognizable babble and I would "shoosh! shush!," him once again.  Thankfully he wasn't loud enough to be heard by the Petersen's in the next room.  I woke up at 7 to Ryan clanging around making pre-ski breakfast but thankfully Ben was able to sleep a bit longer.  I might not talk about it lots on this blog, but I am an early-to-bed, 8 hours of solid zzz's needing, earlier-to-rise, happiest in the wee hours of the morning, early-riser, kind of person.  When I woke up that morning and made coffee...(duh! dear husband, ALWAYS FIRST!!!!!) I just sipped it slow and repeated the mantra that this this too would end and that I would survive.  I actually didn't feel too bad but I feared the task that lie ahead of me in getting Ben to the slopes solo, at the time of the afternoon I thought his lack-of-sleep breakdown would begin, and rent his skis and deliver him to his Dad waiting on the slopes would surely be the end of me.  I did end up accomplishing the task but there were tears on both our parts, and many of the thoughts I was thinking about Ryan, and about the people in the rental shop giving me the stare-down, are not fit-to-print in a family friendly publication such as this. 

Ben was still crying as he and his dad boarded the lift the first time and there were still tears as they made their first run down. Ben's third time skiing was far from a charm. We made some adjustments for warmth and added a ski clip to keep Ben's ski's in a pizza shape and the subsequent runs went much better with Ben begging to get back on the lift each time.  This hill was lots less steep than the hill he conquered last year at Breck and I think he needs something a little steeper to really practice.  Though for all factors present on this day, this hill was probably perfect.  There's a little video here that cuts off right before Ben says, "ok. let's do it again." Thanks to our hosts having season passes (or Winter Park's defunct computers saying we did,) Ben's rental was only $11 and skiing is always free for kiddos under 5 with their parents.  As Ryan and the spectators grew colder, we warned Ben of the last run and he wailed wanting to go back up.  Per Sarah and Hailey's recommendation of hot chocolate and cookies, it didn't take too long to convince Ben the lodge would offer nice, warm refuge.

This was Ben's first time not using the magic carpet or t-bar to get up.

awaaaaay they went!

Happy kiddos! Hailey is a great skier for her age (6 weeks older than Ben,)

 and sings non-stop while she skis.  It's about the cutest thing ever.

We arrived back at the house to load the car and Amy offered smothered burritos for an early dinner before we left.  We couldn't refuse that and finally headed home a little after 6.  We were caught in a light and unpredicted snow that was actually heaviest near our house.  It was nothing like last year's white-out conditions when we drove over Berthoud Pass, but I held my breath for most of the drive home nonetheless.  
On the following day we picked Luke up at MeeMee's and left Ben for a bit while we enjoyed Thai lunch and saw the movie, The Gambler.  It was entertaining though more artsy than expected and as it was our first theater movie together in more than a year, we were just thankful for the outing. 
We all got to enjoy a couple more days soaking up each other and the holidays before Ryan returned to work Monday, and Ben to school and swimming on Tuesday.  With that another successful and togetherness-filled holiday season had come to an end.  It was "just Winter," and it seemed she might stay a while.