:::36:::

Thirty. Six. feels good.  As it should, it feels more mature than 30 in a good, "naw, I've got this," way but also not quite on the downward slide to 40 that I anticipate 38 will bring.  This new home and neighborhood are forcing me to redefine myself in unexpected ways but that will be fun, too.  I continue to miss my roles volunteering at Ben's old school and the relationships I had there.  I know they took time to develop (I didn't do a thing the whole first year he was there,) so I'm letting that be a bit.
"Letting it be" is going to be a resounding theme this year.  As much as this type-A Capricorn can.  First, lets revisit how I did this year on last year's goals.

Last year I wanted to...
-date my mom and sister more
-do more impromptu entertaining
-keep on letting go
-take care of me
-advocate for Ben

I did successfully date my mom and sister more until sister skipped off to Singapore.  I did suggest a girl date when she was home, though, and I keep trying with my mom who is hard to pin down because she's always giving and volunteering.  We should all be more like her in that respect. 

I did a little more impromptu entertaining at Josephine and have done lots in the new house.  Bronco's Sundays are becoming almost regular and some more seating and maybe, maybe, a bigger TV will seal that deal.

I have a good friend who says life just gets better and more "zen" as we age and she's right.  The letting go gets easier and easier and focusing on what's truly rewarding (what fills up my cup at the end of a long day) gets lots easier.

We joined a gym in November that has a great kids play area so I've done a decent job of working out and taking care of me.  The results come MUCH more slowly at 36 than they did a couple years ago, but I ate without restraint over the holidays and lost a couple pounds so I'll call that a victory.  The social time for Ben really motivates me to keep at it.  That and being flanked by swimming pools where we will undoubtedly live this Summer.

I'm becoming an old pro at advocating for Ben.  It was successful in Denver and we had to fight a little after we moved to keep him in preschool.  I still shudder at the stress and sleepless nights I had when we were in the trenches of this, but it's made me a stronger mama and confident in my abilities to seek and secure what's best for Ben.

So, "check," I don't think I let myself down last year.  I never would have guessed I'd be typing this post from a different house this year, and despite that, I am happy with my progress.  I am definitely less stressed here, as is my whole family, with more room to roam and breathe and less fear of crime and traffic, etc.  The peace and privacy are nice but I do really miss our home and neighbors.  Thankfully, we've hit the neighbor jackpot here for the third time and attacking the curb appeal this house lacks this Summer will go a long way in making it feel like home.

This year my list of goals are different and short, but that feels right.  I've done a good job the last couple months about being more realistic with what I can accomplish in a day and what's really important for my family.  Often that means 2+ hours at the playground throughout the day and toilets and floors that are a couple days past dirty.  Rather than over-scheduling, I set a couple small goals each day and the extra I accomplish is just a bonus.  This means I end 98% of days feeling satisfied and accomplished rather than stressed and behind.  So, this year I'm going to work hard to keep that up.

I'm also going to push myself out of my comfort zone a bit.  My goal is to take 3 classes at the gym by the end of the year.  I hope I find something I love that pushes by body in a new way.  I love the solace of working out but admittedly the unknown, and the putting myself and all my clumsy glory on display in front of others is terrifying.  So, 3 classes!  I also want to learn how to use the chop saw.  There have been a couple projects around the house this year that I've waited and waited (probably 2 days) for Ryan to complete and thought there's little reason for me not to know how to use that thing.  So, this year chop saw...next year, drill press-oooooooh!

Finally, I need to focus lots on our new family member, Hayes.  It takes work to train a dog that's an enjoyable addition to a family.  I worked really hard with Anna, though I'm still convinced she was super-natural. ;) and Luke just fell into place firmly under her.  Admittedly he is slow to respond has selective listening and poor leash skills.  He's always been chill enough that it mostly doesn't matter.  Hayes is already more feisty and though he's quite delightful, I want to keep him that way.  He responds to "no" very well and is sitting on command but it's time to take his training to the next level.  For me, writing it down often makes it happen and there is little more rewarding than a well-trained dog.  So, Hayes I've got your number Buddy, and we have dates-lots of them!

Well, it all sounds pretty easy and delightful to me, but isn't that the goal of life sometimes.  A healthy dose of terrifying mixed with lots fun and continually less stress.  At times it feels like it borders on boring, but the end of last year was anything but and right now I welcome it.  Really letting Ben play and be a kid is so rewarding and so sadly fleeting that it's more than enough right now.  Come on, 36, show me what you got!!