thirty-five

 
So another year in the life of Jessica Anna Erickson (Heimer) has come and gone.  Thirty-five doesn't feel so bad, so far.

last year I wanted to focus on:
-taking better advantage of Ben's time at school to exercise
-being a more creative teacher for Ben and remembering those special activities take time and make messes
-enjoying the beauty and nature of the state we call home
-using our kind and generous family to babysit so I can "date" my husband more often

I have exercised more this year though the last month of the Holidays was no testament to that.  I've started adding more to my runs in terms of stopping for push-ups, bench sits, etc.  Thanks to a friend and Tante and a fall challenge we did, my focus has shifted somewhat and I see opportunities for strength training all over the place and especially at the playground with Ben.  This goal will never be "met," and only grows more important with time so you'll see it again in this year's list.

I have done more with Ben in terms of creative play and crafts but I have to remember that for the most part, crafts are not his thing.  I have worked to keep our daily learning times fun and new and a good balance of things he prefers and things he doesn't.

Mostly thanks to MeeMee's camper purchase, I absolutely nailed #3.  We got out a lot more often, from picnics at Red Rocks and other foothills parks, to camping.  Ben is happiest in nature and "having adventures," and his imagination absolutely takes off when we're out exploring.  His fearlessness can be scary but he is also the most obedient and attentive to boundaries when we're outside camping or hiking.  Now that Ben can hang and actually hike for more than an hour, I look very forward to taking him on some of my favorite Boulder hikes this Summer and I hope we camp 4X more than last year, at least!

It took until almost the end of the year to really attack #4, but with 3 dates in the span of a month, I'd say I can check that one off the list.  It wasn't that we didn't use our family for Ben before, but it was usually for activities involving friends.  I love that we'd often prefer to be with our friends but time alone is important too.  It's always easy to ask for the help with a big event or other people are involved but we need to be better about asking for help that facilitates little evenings or afternoons out.  BTW, did you know movies are reserved now? I mean it's possible this has been going on for years, but we missed out on American Sniper because now you buy reserved seats in advance, and no way no how are there any left 40 minutes before showtime.  Do yourself a favor and get informed if you're not cause lawd knows those date nights are not easy to come by.;)

So, I think I made a great list last year because I certainly didn't come back and look at it more than once.  Those things must have really been priorities somewhere in my mind.  I can say too that I'm a better person for having focused on all of them and that's the goal, right?

And now this post screeches to a halt for a bit because I have to put keyboard to screen in terms of what's up next.........

In my 35th year, I vow to try to.....

-Date my mom and sister more! As you'll see in a couple of posts, we started the year quite glamorously and I hope we can make girls dates more of a priority.  I'm talking at least quarterly here, ladies!

-Do more impromptu entertaining! Last Spring I hosted several big and special events and this year my calendar is clear-whew!  We also don't already have a non-stop Summer of travel planned (for now,) so I'd like to focus more on small gatherings when the warm weather returns. I am absolutely happiest when I'm entertaining.  Whether it's due to the friends, the clean house or the vodka, we may never know.  In doing so, I want to reach out to some new friends and new people we've met recently who might become good friends.  You know that old Girl Scouts song, "make new friends, but keep the old..."  We also have some amazing neighbors I'd like to get to know better this year.

-keep on letting go.  I think parts of letting go just come easier with age, but none of it comes easy to me.  Though the two week old drip of something on one of my kitchen cabinets that I keep failing to get to might tell otherwise, I will likely always struggle when things aren't clean and tidy.  The other day it occurred to me that either my whole house is 1/2 clean or 1/2 my house is very clean.  I can look at both those options with a cup half full mentality so I'm going to embrace the "1/2" this year.

-Continue to take care of me.  When I look back on the best weeks, they are always the ones where exercise came first.  So, whether it's allowing an extra half-hour of screen time so I can have "five minutes of peace," or really embracing the "1/2" mentality above, I will continue to make exercise a priority and make "happy mom, happy family," a reality.

-Advocate for Ben.  This school year has been rife with challenges and stresses in terms of Ben and his needs.  I'd give anything for a crystal ball and a few clear answers, but at the end of each day we have to make decisions with the info we have at the time.  We've been practicing that since the early days of our infertility diagnosis and you'd think we'd be old pros by now.  I get so jealous of the way Ryan and most men can compartmentalize stresses as I'd give anything to really let go of the challenges Ben faces, especially at school.  I talked with another special needs parent the other day and said, "do you have a constant pit in your stomach too?"  She grabbed my arm and exclaimed, "yes!!! I do! When will it go away?"  We then discussed how it does go away for hours and moments but never for days.  The silver lining for me is that it takes away the pit of infertility and the longing for another child for big chunks of each day because I won't carry around both at the same time. :)  So, I think part of successfully advocating for Ben is also really being present with him and letting go of all that crap, and that I can say I'm really good at.  I do delight in our time together and the challenges mean I really (I mean really) soak up the good stuff, and the fun, and moments and achievements to be celebrated.

OK! I think I'll stop.  I think that list can keep me busy for a year.  Ben and I have really been enjoying our afternoons together at the zoo, and Children's Museum and on the non-stop tour of nearby playgrounds.  It feels nice to have a more calm and less scheduled Spring ahead of me and though I ache for the warm days by the pool, I'm really excited for the little things and slowly-growing-longer days just ahead of us.  35 feels good.  It feels solidly planted right where it belongs with wisdom from the past and excitement that we might just now be getting to the good stuff. MWAH!!!