challenges

This school year has started with some challenges for Ben.  Within a couple weeks, Ryan and I were asked to meet with Ben's special ed team as he hadn't progressed or wasn't attending to task as they'd expected based on how last year ended.  The first meeting was very beneficial and within minutes we changed some things that were happening that yielded immediate results.  For instance, "make the kid work for his favorite activity by offering it last."  That that had been lost on his team, who are all wonderful and amazing, was shocking to us.  There was also some discussion about his engagement with peers and I sprang into action scheduling more play-dates without parents so I can facilitate conversation, etc.  My observation since has been that Ben actually starts conversations more than some of his classmates, but if they don't respond, he doesn't push.  I've also continued to see Ben initiate play with strangers on more than one occasion since that meeting so I am less concerned about that issue.
Ben is an absolute mystery to the special ed team and certainly doesn't fit a diagnosis for one specific thing.  He has some struggles similar to Sensory Processing Disorder and certainly has some behaviors displayed by kids on the autism spectrum.  That said, none of us need or want to push a label that just isn't there and no label or diagnosis would change any of Ben's treatment or therapies.  
I know from my research that many of Ben's less-than-desirable (to some) behaviors become much easier for him to control around age 7.  
A couple weeks removed from that initial meeting, there has been another, and we've put into place some great tools that are helping Ben be more successful.  We've also realized a para on his team who is very special to Ben, "drinks his kool-aid," and falls prey to his sparkling eyes and sweet hugs, and lets him get away with a lot.  There is also a plan in place to address that issue so we're all agreed that our planned path forward is and will continue to yield success for Ben.
All of the above said, Ben continues to do well academically with rote tasks like one-for-one counting, sight words, etc.  Just yesterday he pointed out some graffiti in a playground tunnel and kept repeating, "my, My." Sure enough, amidst the scrolling marker, the only letters were m and y.  I work hard with him at home to hone these skills and make sure he continues to enjoy these tasks as his motor skills and sensory issues may make learning challenging as he is asked to sit for longer and longer periods.
 

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These meetings and these challenges took a pretty major toll on me.  Ben is "what I do," and when what you do isn't working or is struggling it can be overwhelming.  I've always been an over-achiever and been successful at my jobs, so when struggles are abundant, despite my best efforts, it's hard.  Additionally, when life has handed me challenges, there's often been a clear solution with a targeted end to work towards.  These challenges with my sweet prince have no simple solution or clear path.  More than anything, we all want our children to have a decently easy way through the world, and the pain we feel as parents when that's not the case can be paralyzing, and was just that for me for many weeks.  Like any other challenge, I laid out tools and solutions and many of them have already helped.  I also do have the perspective that this little life is a journey with hills and valleys and all the good and dirty in-between.  And through it all, I'm overwhelmingly happy to be Ben's mom and each day, and each success and challenge solidify the notion that we were meant to be-we three!  Since we first learned two years ago that Ben had some delays, my mantra was always, "he's happy and healthy and that is SO much."  Lately that mantra has evolved and each night when I turn out the light I think about H^3.  (H cubed) is "happy, healthy, heimers."  Each day we are H^3 is a big success in my book.