First Loves

Our extended family lost a four legged love today.  Kylie was a great pup and more importantly-Someone's best friend for 14 years!!  When Ryan and I were pining for the miracle that would become Ben I was always worried my kiddo's might not know my best friend, Anna,  and the reality is any memories Ben has of her will most likely come from stories and photos.  But really-Anna's purpose in my life has not been to be the dog of my children.  Luke came for that!! Anna's purpose for me is as Kylie's was to Dave-to be a first love-to be the love before the other great loves of my life-to be by my side during the adventures that shaped who I've become-to be my best friend and confidant when no one else was-to keep the secrets we share that no one else will ever know. So here's to Kylie! To First Loves and Best Friends and the love that only a pup and their best friend can know.

Pretty Kylie Girl

Partying on New Year's Eve

Luke and Anna

Un-friended

I didn't know it would be so soon, but yes, this blog is going there.  A long lost friend recently questioned, "Why did you guys adopt?  Why not the old-fashioned way?" Well in his defense, he had been out of the loop for some time.  The sad truth is that no one would choose domestic adoption in this country right now.  It is far too expen$$$ive, risky, scary, did I say risky?  Each day I have a secret wish that Oprah will make adoption reform her next big thing.
Really though, we are among the lucky ones-the joyful, and each time I share a piece of that joy whether here, or on Facebook, or I email pictures, I wonder who I might be hurting- because I have been among the hurt.  The hardest thing about the hurt is that it's someone else's joy that is so painful.
This thought was brought up (although I wonder each time Ben's cute mug graces FB with its presence) by this hilarious blog-post: 
http://www.alittlepregnant.com/alittlepregnant/2010/10/baby-face.html


Julie has an amazing way with humor, but oh-it's so true.  Here's my comment on her post:
 I felt the Facebook pain and hid and un-hid with regularity. Literally a baby would be born and my first thought was, "now I can un-hide her on Facebook."
Now that we've adopted and I have kiddo pics to share-each update makes me twinge and wonder who is hiding me? Who might I be hurting?
there's solace in knowing more people share in your joy and the awareness of potential hurt puts you far ahead of most.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/10/24/AR2010102402642.html?hpid=topnews


The post article highlights other things, marriage, spousal loss, that can make FB painful.  There are times when you just have to take a break.  Yesterday I had the thought, "will I ever post something cute Ben does or says or complain about no sleep and not wonder if I'm hurting someone or caused someone to Un-friend me?"  I don't think I ever will-and having been there-I hope I don't!

Nursery

Just a few nursery pics for the non-Facebookers among you.

2 months

Ben went in for his 2 month check-up last week :) and first shots :(.  I wondered why the nurse left the room so quickly and realized she probably saw my lip quivering and knew I would soon be joining Ben in his tear fest.  Boy that was a whole new kind of cry.  His stats were as follows:
12lbs. 9oz-67%
23  in long-45%
head circ. 39cm-25%


I'm glad for the little guy that he didn't get stuck with my monster head and so far he seems to be doing great in the brains department despite his cute little nugget noggin.
Pics below are from our 2 month photo shoot.

tippin' the scales

expectations

I have a good girlfriend who is expecting a baby the first week of December.  Throughout her pregnancy when baby would kick or cause her pain I would say," he's just easing you into the fact that your whole life will soon revolve around him.  That it's not about you anymore..."
I didn't experience that easing-in period.  Even for the 2 months when we knew Ben was coming there were not momentary constant reminders of the place he would take in our lives.  Our "break-in" has come with the baby and is teaching me to change my expectations of lots of things.  And I did say change, not lower!
Case in point, the pumpkin patch.  Ben's MeeMee Sue told him to demand we take him to the pumpkin patch.  We ventured out yesterday, after lots of research, to the local patch with the best photo ops and $0 admission.  We had camera charged and ready, two tripods, coordinated outfits for a family pic and several wardrobe changes for Ben.  I had dreamed about this day for weeks!
My expectations of what this day might be quickly changed.  What? My two month old who I woke from a deep sleep doesn't want to smile pretty while being propped between two hard vegetables twice his size while staring into the blinding sun while other monsters run and scream around him and his comfort system  is arguing over who should stand where and when to let go only to have said two month old fall over into crunchy hay?????
Ben reminded me yesterday that the blessings of my family are not about photo ops, that's it's ok sometimes to express to the world that you are not happy in this moment,  that any control I had before or think I have now is an illusion, and that I can keep striving for perfection in life as I did before he came or find perfection where I least expect it.

This is how the day began and went downhill from here

Perhaps the days single moment of contentment while reaching for a spiny twig

not liable for accidents, injuries, or unhappy babies trying to teach you a lesson

it all began with Ben and a bbq

this blog.  it began with Ben, aka-Benjamin Ryan Heimer, my beautiful 2 month old gift.  You see to me, blogging is a mommy-hood right of passage, like goldfish, yogurt puffs, unwashed hair, and fingerprints on my stainless steel.  Negatives, you say, not a chance!  I've waited 30 years, (ok, maybe 28,) to become a mom and only 4 short months ago that wish began to come true, (but that's a post for another day.)  


A couple weeks ago we headed home to CO for a wedding of a college friend of mine and my wonderful sister Molly, and friend Towbin threw Ryan, Ben and me a bbq baby shower.  Near the end of the day's festivities, I mentioned something a friend had done and she responded, "you must read our blog."  Another friend chimed in, " I have a blog, too."  Then the questioning turned to me-, "you're a mom now, you have to start a blog," "you stay home, what else could you possibly have to do with your time than to update your family and friends on the status of your life."  And then she did it, Meaghan said, "this bbq could be your first post!"  


So alas, it begins, with Ben and a bbq.

Ben contemplating the day's events

Hostesses Towbin (Laura) and Molly (Tante Mollusk)

Will and Meaghan (who's great idea this post was)

Paul and Erica (who started the blog convo)